


Caitlin

by flootzavut



Series: Rosefern [5]
Category: NCIS
Genre: Family, Friendship, Gen, Kate Lives, Post Traumatic Stress, Rosefern, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-30
Updated: 2016-11-30
Packaged: 2018-09-03 08:14:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8704705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flootzavut/pseuds/flootzavut
Summary: Kate and Ducky reunite shortly after her return to the US.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Despite the posting date ;) this story is set soon after Kate arrives back in DC, and comes after [Bert & Ernie](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2464910/chapters/5465282).

* * *

_**Caitlin** _

* * *

 

The lab was unusually quiet when Ducky ambled in, in search of a lunch date. Abby was nowhere in sight, but it was a pleasant surprise to find Kate there instead.

Reunions had been brief and hurried when she had returned - the criminal element in DC saw no need to let them rest just because a long lost colleague had unexpectedly been found - and chances to catch up had been few and far between amongst her debriefings and evaluations and the everyday life of the team. He was glad for the chance to talk to her properly.

He approached her with a smile, but she was engrossed in her own thoughts and didn't notice him.

"Caitlin?"

She whipped round, and for a moment Ducky recoiled, her expression was so venomous. Then the snarl disappeared, and she shook her head, offering a weak smile. "Ducky. I'm sorry."

He looked up at her warily. "Caitlin, are you quite all right?"

Her face didn't get scary again, but her pinched look said she very much wasn't all right. "Ducky, I-" She shook her head. Her voice was tight and hard. "I need you to stop calling me that. Please."

He frowned, confused. "My dear, I don't quite understand."

She grimaced, pained and embarrassed. "It's not your fault, Ducky, but I can't deal with being called...  _that_  any more."

He thought for a second, frowned. "You mean Caitl-" He saw her cringe and stopped himself. "You mean your... given name?"

Her nod was stiff and uncomfortable. "I- yes."

"Oh." He was taken aback, but she clearly had good reason, given her reaction. "Very well, my dear. I shall try to break myself of the habit."

She nodded, although her face was still strained and unhappy. "It isn't you, it's just..." She paced over to the lab table and braced herself against it, tension obvious in the line of her back and neck. "I never expected this to be so hard."

Tentatively, he walked up behind her. He wanted to reach out a hand and offer some physical comfort, but she was wound so tight he wasn't sure it was wise. "Kate?" It did feel strange to call her that, but Ducky wouldn't dream of hurting her on purpose. He would just have to get used to it.

She let out a long sigh and turned around. She looked tired, defeated, and terribly sad. "I wanted so much to come home, and now I'm here, and-" she sniffed and swiped at her cheek "-it doesn't feel like home anymore."

"Reverse culture shock is in many ways more unpleasant. Especially when you have been away from a place for such a long time. Why, I remember, in my RAMC days, returning to Scotland from Afghanistan and-" He stopped himself. "Well, no matter. Today I am much more interested in your story than in my own, Caitl- Kate."

She managed another wan smile. "I always liked your stories."

"And I was always very grateful somebody did, but nevertheless."

He didn't want to push, but he felt sure there was a story behind why she didn't want to be called 'Caitlin' any more, and maybe she needed to tell it to somebody. It might as well be him.

After a few moments of silence, she took a deep breath. "It's what Ari and his team called me. They - well, Ari always called me Caitlin, from the start. And the way he said it." She shuddered. "So then when his team grabbed me, it was what they called me as well. And when he... threatened me." She looked up at him and her eyes were haunted. "So it has... a lot of bad memories attached."

"My goodness. I should think so. You certainly don't need any more reminders of that bastard than you already have."

Her face crumpled. "I hate it, hate how he's still haunting me after all this time. It's just... it's so unfair."

At a loss what to say, he held out his arms in invitation, and she readily stepped in for a hug. He rubbed her back gently and reassuringly, and held her till her breathing slowed and evened out. "Oh, my poor dear girl. I am so terribly sorry."

"I'm sorry, too. It isn't your fault, Ducky." She hiccuped out a little sob and her grip on him tightened. "I used to love when you called me...  _that_. It made me feel like I was special. Now it just reminds me of things I'm trying so hard to forget. I'm sorry."

"My dear, you have nothing for which you should apologise. The very last thing I should want is to make you feel uncomfortable."

"Thank you."

"And you are right, you know."

There was a pause. "About what?"

He chuckled. "You always were special to me, Caitl- I mean, Kate. You, Abigail and Ziva are the granddaughters I should have liked to have had, if life had given me the chance. And I missed you very much." He smiled as he thought back over the years. "I have never forgotten the way you always listened to my stories, if you could, or the way you apologised for him when Jethro cut me off and whisked you away."

She laughed into his shoulder. "He still has no manners, does he?"

"I think you will find Gibbs very much as you remember him, and while I have witnessed him saying sorry once or maybe even twice in your absence, he certainly doesn't say please or thank you any more than he did before."

"Some things never change. It's kind of comforting."

He nodded. "It helps to find familiarity when so much is different. Seven years is a long time. Believe me, you have never been forgotten, by any of us, and we will do all we can to welcome you and make you feel at home again."

She squeezed him hard, then stepped away, withdrawing into herself again, her face twisted into a worried frown.

"I don't know if it'll feel quite like home ever again," she admitted quietly. "I have so many good memories here, but somehow the bad ones are drowning them out. I don't know if I can stay without going crazy. I haven't managed to sleep properly since I got back, I can't walk anywhere in this building without expecting Ari to jump out at me around every corner, I can't..." She shook her head. "I feel like I'm in a nightmare and I can't wake up." Her expression was heartbreaking.

"Then you must do what is right for you, Kate, and know your friends - your family - here at NCIS will support you as best we can, whatever you decide." He paused for a moment. "Even if it means we must say goodbye to you again in the meantime."

She looked startled. "You heard? I didn't think anyone had been told yet."

He blinked. "I haven't heard anything, no. But one cannot help imagining that getting away from this city and making a home for yourself elsewhere might be a priority, if it is proving so painful merely to be here. Do you have somewhere in particular in mind?"

"Yes. And I'm not sure anyone will ever forgive me." She pulled a face.

His curiosity was piqued. "I dare say we shall forgive you a great deal, Ca-Kate."

He was actually going to have to  _practise_  not calling her Caitlin, it seemed. The thought wasn't too daunting. He was quite determined this old dog was going to learn at least one new trick.

"Do you think everyone's forgiveness will stretch as far as Hawaii?"

He felt his eyebrows shoot up. " _Hawaii_?"

She managed a wry grin at his tone. "I'm afraid that'll be the reaction I'll get from everyone. So far, almost everyone thinks I'm crazy even to consider it."

Ducky chuckled. "I'm a little surprised, but I don't think you're crazy. If one has to escape from one's life, one might as well escape to somewhere warm and beautiful!"

Her grin widened out into a more natural smile. "It should also be an easier posting. Not quite as many murders among naval personnel on Oahu, I'm told," she continued, her tone dry, "and they rarely get terrorists threatening their people."

He grinned. "Quite compelling points in Hawaii's favour, I should think."

"Definitely." She paused. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For not telling me I'm making a mistake. For not... not looking at me like I just said I was moving to the moon. Or like I kicked your puppy."

The last one sounded very specific. Ducky thought about it for a second, and the absence of both music and Abby in the lab suddenly made sense. He sighed. "I take it you have already told Miss Sciuto?"

She winced. "I asked the Director to let me handle telling people myself, the people I was closest to, before it became common knowledge, and now I'm wondering if it was a really bad idea. She didn't say anything, but her face..."

He reached over to run his hand comfortingly up and down her back again. "She will need time to get used to the idea, Kate, as we all will, but Abby cares for you a great deal. She will do her best to understand, even if she struggles with the idea of you moving so far away."

Kate looked down at her hands, blinking rapidly, looking like she was trying not to cry. "I know that, I do, really. I guess I... I feel so bad for how much I hurt you all already, and now I'm doing it again."

"Again?" He frowned in confusion. "When have you hurt us before?"

She peered up at him. "When Ari took me away. When you all thought I was dead, for such a long time. I'm so sorry, I-"

Ducky shook his head, pulled her in for another hug, and his heart broke a little more as she sobbed into his jacket, no longer trying to hold back or be strong.

"No one, not one of us, blames you for that." He tried to inject as much surety and confidence into his tone as he could muster. He was very certain of the sentiment amongst their team members, and if anyone outside their circle dared suggest such a thing... well, Ducky suspected they would answer to Gibbs for it, and he would  _almost_  feel sorry for them. "We are all so very glad to have you back, and none of us thinks this was in any way your fault." There didn't seem to be anything else he could say, so instead he just held her and let her cry herself out.

Eventually her tears abated, and this time when she emerged from his embrace, she looked more at peace, despite her wan smile and red-rimmed eyes. Ducky wondered how many times she'd allowed herself a proper cry since she'd returned. He suspected the answer would be 'not often enough'; maybe he could find a way to suggest tears as cathartic without sounding condescending.

In the meantime, he decided, there was another time honoured way of soothing one who was hurting; it had the added benefit of being an excuse to spend some time with a beloved friend. "May I- might I buy you lunch, Kate? It seems to me that heavy emotions require some sort of comfort food."

After a moment of surprise, her face softened into one of the first truly genuine smiles he'd seen coaxed out of her since she'd arrived back in DC. "I would love to have lunch with you, Ducky." Her lips wobbled slightly and she swiped at a tear that had escaped down her cheek, but her voice was warm and pleased, and she let him cup her elbow and guide her over to the door. "Thanks for... understanding."

He smiled. "That, my dear, is what family is for."

_~ fin ~_


End file.
